All Aboard the Friend Ship!

Stupid title = vacation brain. Returning to work after vacation always sucks, but it especially super sucks today because I am stuck on terrible, awful, no good, very bad job. As in, I can't believe it's *only* noon.

But in more exciting news, the school lists came out! Ella is happy about her teacher and bummed about the selection of girls in her class, none of which includes any of her "closest friends." I personally think the list is pure genius and couldn't have organized it any better myself. And/but it has me thinking about "friends." Ella always seems to be at the center of a few girl-related dramas a year. My take on it is that she is just very direct, a little too no-nonsense when it comes to being a girl. She doesn't get emotional very often, and I don't hear about the daily little slights that seem to take place in her life. Or, I'll hear something like, "So and so said that so and so is glad she's not in my class this year." But it's not reported with tears--just in a completely matter-of-fact tone. I guess the flip side of this could be that Ella is a terrible, mean bully, and I am just completely blind to her faults. But I've checked and double-checked with her teachers and other authority figures, and all reports are that she is a sweetie. Plus, I do LIVE with the kid, and I see her interact with her little sister on a daily basis. She is certainly not perfect, but she is damn good big sister. She worries about Sadie almost as much as I do.

Anyhow, the long and short of this going nowhere post is that I am hearing a lot of "so and so said that so and so said that I said XYZ." Essentially, Ella is being accused of calling people names and spreading rumors. She hasn't seen most of the kids in question in at least a month, and it's not really her style to spread rumors. The girl drama is incredibly frustrating to me, and I'm constantly trying to remind myself to stay the heck out of it, except that I did tell Ella that she needs to speak to the parties in question and get to the bottom of the "she said" business because if I were her, it would piss me off if people were saying I said or did things that I didn't.

But it also occurred to me yesterday that friendships as an adult aren't any more cut and dried. You have friends that you'd call your very best friends, only to realize they actually weren't at all (I see that a ton with Ella--I don't think a few of the girls she'd label as her BFFs are actually all that good for her). Or the friends where you finally decide it's too damn complicated to be worth much of anything. (I dislike drama about as much as Ella does.) And then there are the friends who are there--always--to talk you down from the latest crisis or a bad day. The friends that say what you need to hear when you need to hear it. I know Ella has a few of those, but I also know it's not really my place to decide for her which friends she should count among the "true blue, best of the best."

For now, I am trying to guide Ella and teach her to be sensitive with other people's feelings. I'm trying to teach her that the best of the best are really as plain as day when you get right down to it. Which of your friends hurt your feelings and cause unnecessary drama in your life? Which of your friends do you tend to have fun with and laugh with? It's clear, and it's not. All I know is that if things are this tricky in third grade, I'm thinking life with girls is just going to get harder. I'm hoping for a drama-free school year, though I am guessing that's not an achieveable goal.