2009: Reflections

For some reason, when I think about 2009, my mind keeps flashing to one particular day in March. We had just gotten back from our Florida trip to visit my grandfather (when we were planning the trip, I told Dean it might be our last chance to spend that much quality time with my grandfather, but I secretly didn't believe that to be the case. I'd sort of suspected he'd live to be 100) earlier that morning. Checked the mail to find that Ella hadn't gotten into any of the dozen or so magnet schools/specialized neighborhood schools to which we'd submitted applications. Coming back from vacation is always a letdown. But the weather on that March day (cold and dreary) combined with the school letters and our travel exhaustion was really depressing. We headed out with the girls to get Subway and ran into our upstairs neighbor Nathan. We talked briefly about trying to sell our individual condos in the sour real estate market (Nathan's wife had lost her job shortly before the holidays). Trying to sell seemed hopeless. I felt like our hands were tied.

Over the course of the past nine months, the following things have happened: Nathan's wife, Stephanie, died (she was only 33). My grandfather died. And we moved.

To say 2009 was a year of ups and downs for us is a huge understatement. I didn't know Stephanie very well. She was my neighbor for about a year. I really liked her. But we weren't particularly close. Still, her death was tragedy so close to home. My heart is still broken for her husband, who is seriously one of the nicest guys I know. In some ways, her death was harder to take than the death of my grandfather in early December. Maybe it was her age. Maybe it was all that she left behind. Maybe it was because a suicide makes everyone wonder what could possibly have prevented such a loss. I don't know. I don't have big answers. Or any answers at all, for that matter.

On a more upbeat note, 2009 was a huge year for my little family because despite the terribly depressed housing market, we were able to sell our condo in two short weeks. Sure, we had a somewhat rocky summer. I'll never forget walking into our new house after closing and feeling as if we'd made the world's biggest mistake. And then for the first few months, it was one catastrophe after another, and I worried that the house would be our undoing. Plus, the full-day kindergarten I had been so excited about was full, and no one could tell me where Ella would be attending kindy. Good times.

Now, though, I walk around our new house feeling so at home (I never though it would feel like home) and so appreciative of how far we've come. I've fallen in love with our house (finally!), and sometimes I look around and can't believe it's actually ours. And, of course, they got Ella into the full-day kindy program (I LOVE our public school system), where she is thriving. All the worrying over schools and friends for both Sadie and Ella seems to have been for naught. It was a crazy ride--this whole moving thing--but I really like where we landed.

Maybe that's why when I think of 2009, I keep flashing back to that day in March. It represents the three really major things that happened in 2009—both the good and the bad. And it reminds me that some things in life are so precious and so damn tenuous. Which to my mind is such a terribly delicate combination.

So for 2010, I think the only resolutions I'll make are these: take play as seriously as I take work, laugh more often, love more fiercely, and take time every once in a while to just appreciate the way things *are* instead of thinking ahead to how much *better* they could be.

I hope that each and every one of you has a peaceful 2010, with only good stories to tell in 2011.