The Baby Borrowers

Last night, Dean and I watched a new reality show called The Baby Borrowers. The premise is that for three weeks, several pairs of teenagers will be responsible first for babies, then toddlers, then "tweens," then teenagers, and then seniors. Yesterday's episode introduced the couples--all of whom seem to be about 17 or 18 YO and are eager to settle down, get married, and have kids. Or at least the female halves of the couples are.

The teens spend three entire days completely responsible for the babies. There is a "professional nanny" on site as well--just in case they need to step in an emergency. But the nannies are never on-screen. The parents are also nearby and can watch *everything* via online Web cameras or some such surveillance. The parents can step in any time they feel like the teens have lost a handle on things and then leave again once they feel the "situation" is under control. This happened three times last night (I think there are five couples total). At the very beginning of the show (the first day), the teen girls had to wear pregnancy simulators. One girl completely refused, complaining that it was ugly and uncomfortable. Sure is, sweetie. But at least when you take the fake belly off, you won't have stretch marks!

Despite the fact that *I* can't imagine what would possibly compel me to allow two teenagers to completely care for my kids for three days, I find the *idea* behind the show pretty compelling. A few of the moms who "loaned" their babies explained that they were teenage parents and want teens to experience how difficult parenting really is. And really, what better way than to thrust them into parenting?

Before I had kids, being a parent seemed fairly uncomplicated to me. It's really very easy when you don't have kids to sit back and think about how you'd do things differently. We all do it at some point. You see the mom in the store struggling to keep her two kids under control and think jeez lady, you're the grown-up here. Make those kids behave! Or you come across a particularly ill-mannered child and think my own children will never act like that. Indeed, we had an experience last summer with my brother-in-law wherein he observed us with the kids while we were all camping (the girls' first camping trip mind you, and Sadie was not even two yet). Once we were all home, my brother-in-law sent Dean this e-mail all about how Ella controls us and interrupts us too much and a host of other things. The end results was that he felt we were stressed and unhappy and that parenting didn't have to be so hard.

His sentiments echoed the feelings of one of the teenagers participating in this show. "Parenting isn't hard," she said. "It shouldn't be." I believe that this is the same girl who, about five hours into being a "parent" complained of feeling "drained and exhausted and frustrated." Welcome to the club, sister!

What better teacher than experience? I remember Dean and I talking about a friend who was having trouble breastfeeding. I was pregnant at the time and nearly at my due date. Dean and I talked about how "natural" breastfeeding was and about how women had been doing it for ages. What could be so hard about it? we wondered. A month later, we found out exactly how HARD it could be. So hard, in fact, that I didn't end up nursing Ella at all.

At one point in the show, the teens were trying to get their baby to go to sleep for the night. The mom is watching this from another location and noted that they hadn't given the baby a bath or put her pajamas on (the teens are all given extensive written instructions from the parents, so the routines are written down). After the male of the couple joked about leaving the baby in its crib to cry because, "It's just going to be crying anyway," the mom stopped in. She told these kids, "Look, I know you're frustrated and tired. But this isn't about you anymore. This is about her and what she needs from you right now."

And that's the main thing you just can't "get" without actually being a parent—the relentless, 24-hour-a-day aspect of it. Being a part of something that is bigger than you and what your needs are at a particular moment.

Watching these teens struggle with their first real "taste" of parenting made me wish I could go back in time and spend one day with each of my girls as newborns again, knowing what I know now. Knowing that yes, they'll eventually sleep through the night. That yes, Ella will eventually get over the horror of having a new sibling thrust upon her. That yes, the 4:00 A.M. nursing DOES suck, but it lasts for such a fleeting amount of time in the grand scheme of things. Knowing that the tears and tantrums are not personal. Knowing that they really do grow up as fast as the annoying, well-meaning people say they do and that one day I'll be hard-pressed to remember what it felt like to hold a newborn Ella in my arms. Suddenly I feel like I didn't take enough photos, don't have enough video footage. How do you simultaneously deal with the feeling that you want to freeze time for a second while also wanting to fast-forward through the most difficult of parenting moments?