In Which I Decide to Quit Running

Okay, not really. But today's 5K has left me somewhat frustrated with the whole running thing. I feel like maybe I just have no talent for running. My times are definitely improving. But they aren't improving FAST enough for my taste. And, well, I can run a race that I feel great about (like the half marathon) only to visit the Runner's World forums and hear someone berate themselves for finishing in 1:58. I'd KILL for that time. Will I ever run a half that fast? Will I ever be able to run a 5K in 27 minutes? If I knew the answer to these questions was "yes," I'd be happy to continue on, content in the knowledge that this all just takes time. But sometimes I wonder whether I'm just not built for speed. And that's a somewhat frustating thought--to think that you just might never be very good at something that you like so much. Can you enjoy doing something that you're not very good at? I'm sure most people can. But I'm a pretty driven perfectionist, so I don't know. At some point, not being very fast might suck the joy out of this sport for me.

The question, then, is this: Do I cut myself some slack considering that I haven't even been running (seriously, that is) for a full year? I have a friend who has been running for years, and she's not really the top of person to blow smoke up your ass. She's pretty straight--or so it seems. She is always telling me how impressed she is with how quickly my times are improving. She even said once that it's "unheard of" to cut so many minutes off a 5K time over six months. Plus, she's tried to tell me that I have two such incompatible goals (increasing mileage and increasing speed). It's true. I've sacrificed speed work in the past few months to focus on getting my LSD where it needed to be before the half. And I was really, really pleased with how I did in the half. Until I went to Runner's World and read a million race reports from people who did a whole lot better than me. Of course, to be fair, I also read a good deal of race reports from people who were SLOWER than me. I just don't tend to focus on those as intently.

After all this, I suppose I should actually mention today's 5K time. I finished in 30:03. Yes, it's 17 seconds FASTER than my last 5K time. Yes, my 5K times are getting increasingly faster, and I've set a new PR with each race. But seriously? FOUR seconds??? I am kicking myself because I want to break 30 so bad I can taste it, and in the end, it came down to four seconds. Four measly seconds. Ugh.

I finished 23rd in my age group out of a field of 66. I guess, judging by those numbers, you could say that I'm better than the average 30 to 35-year-old. I'm in the top half, not the bottom half. That's something, right? Overall, I finished 188 out of 533. Oh, and I beat the alderman by a minute. So there's that. Of course, he's in his 50s, but so is my dad and he would have beat the pants off the alderman.

Just four seconds and this would have been a much different post. I've got two more 5Ks coming up in the next three weeks. Next Sunday's is on what's referred to as a "rolling course." Which means hills. I'm not sure I can shave four seconds off my time on a hilly course. Then, two weeks after that, I've got a flat 5K. It's do or die then because I think I'll have to wait until Thanksgiving for another 5K after that, and the Turkey Trot that I really want to do is an 8K, not a 5K, so I'd have to switch races.