No Stopping or Standing Any Time

I reached a point on this morning's commute where I just wanted to pull the car to the side of the road and give up. I am tired of fighting my way to work in the morning. It didn't used to be like this. I don't know if it's construction or what, but I spend an hour in the car twice a day just battling. It is slowly sucking the life out of me. At the same time, something has shifted (maybe it was the beginning of school and extracurricular activities?), and I just feel suddenly incapable of keeping up the pace of things. Monday, I get home at 5, only to turn around at 5:30 to bring Ella to soccer (which involves entertaining Sadie at the park for an hour). On this particular Monday, the dog escaped from the yard, which rendered Ella hysterical. Then we were gone so long (without explanation) that when we finally returned home, Sadie was hysterical because she didn't know where I was. Just a typical Monday.

Tuesday I rushed home (bad traffic again) so I could check out a futon at the church rummage sale, then had to rush to get the girls from dance, then had to rush home to start dinner. Bah.

Last night, no one had to be anywhere (aside from me needing to be on my laptop by 6:30), but it didn't feel any easier. I made the world's easiest dinner (everything just baked in the oven) then worked on sock puppets with the girls, only to realize belatedly that I'd forgotten to put the broccoli on. Then the timer started buzzing at the exact moment Sadie came in from the backyard hysterical about one thing or another.

Long story short, by the time I've gotten everyone fed for the evening, I am completely out of patience and just so cranky.

I got home at 5:00 last night. At 6:30, I signed in to my freelance job, only to spend 2.5 hours checking addresses on a PDF file against addresses on a Word document. It was the kind of job that just makes you want to poke your eyes out with a fork. Sadie was crying because I couldn't do baths. I'm trying to work and solve various computer issues for the girls. This, my friends, is for the birds. Finally (finally!) at 9:30 I had time to myself to finish my book and go to sleep. Only Sadie woke up at midnight, so I was awake until 2:00 in the morning. My only time ALL day that was MINE alone, and I'm up because Sadie is up for no good reason. In all honesty, I finally gave her half a Benadryl. I have to work again tonight, and I just don't know how I'm supposed to do ALL of this on zero sleep.

I found myself at a blog yesterday of a woman who has 12 kids (she adopted NINE of them and one has special needs, including a GI tube), plus is training for a marathon (in all her spare time, I guess). How can she seem to have everything so under control? Is it really that the difference between staying home full-time versus working four days a week and freelancing on top of that is so great? Am I just completely unorganized? Am I not getting up early enough? It's a mystery to me.

The only thing I know for sure is that I can't take much more of this. I am trying to be optimistic that my shift to part-time will make everything more manageable, but I'm not convinced by a long shot. And if it's not better after that, then what?