Totally Tired Thursday

I am pretty sure that if you counted up all the hours I've slept since New Year's Eve, it would not be as many hours as I ran in December. Does that make sense? I'm not even sure. For some reason, my phantom knee injury is causing insomnia of a horrific magnitude. Maybe because I can't sleep on my stomach? All I know is that between that and the husband's snoring, I am ending up on the couch night after night, with the dog glaring at me with all the resentment he can muster. Why does he enjoy sleeping near me during the day but not at night? And why does he need to sleep 23 hours a day? See, these are questions I could puzzle the answer to if only I were SLEEPING.

This, combined with feeling totally overwhelmed with work, combined with feeling totally overwhelmed with life, combined with the general misery that comes with gimping around for 27 days (but who is counting?) led to me in tears on the school playground on Friday after the five-year-old yelled at me for forgetting her snow pants. It would be entirely safe and fair to call me a train wreck. Go ahead. I will wait right here.

Meanwhile, yesterday, in recognition of the negative MRI and the fact that this injury MUST be fake, I decided to wash the floor for the first time in 27 days (no lie--though the husband may have washed it once or twice in there). I paid for washing the floor for the rest of the day (and yes, I used a mop; I am not crazy enough to wash the floor on my hands and knees, plus my not-injured knee doesn't bend), which has me slightly concerned about how much longer it will be until I can run. Or, you know, walk the kids to school. I also once again tried to perfect my walking up the stairs like a normal person technique, which led everyone in the family to give me a thumbs down and point out that I am not walking like a normal person at all. For some reason, my not-injured-at-all, perfect-MRI knee does not bend beyond a certain degree. In fact, it does not bend any more now than it did when I first didn't injure it on NYE. And it might even be WORSE. And all I can say about that is that I am clearly very good at psychosomatic injuries. Which is a very good skill to have if you are practicing to be a deranged person.